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2006/02/27 Forgive Us Our DebtsMy mentor, Patty, came over on Friday and I had a meltdown. I've just been a bad place lately, and was crying to her about a bunch of stuff, including my frustrations with people. She was encouraging me to get on my face and pray, and realize I can only control my own behavior, not the behavior of others. (sidebar...Patty has been my mentor and friend for several years and she's AWESOME. I'm going to blog about this cool relationship sometime) And then, in completely God-like fashion, the sermon yesterday was on forgiveness. Double whammy! I love it when that happens. I hate it when that happens. Our pastor has been preaching on the Sermon on The Mount for several months, and he just got to the Lord's Prayer last week.
He talked about the man who was shown mercy by his king. (Matthew18: 21-35) He was a slave and he owed the king 10,000 talents ($10,000,000 in silver). The slave couldn't pay the money, and so he and his family were going to be sold. He fell before the king and begged for more time to repay. The king felt compassion and forgave him the debt. That very slave, the forgiven slave, went out and demanded payment from a fellow slave who owed him 100 denarii (The denarius was equivilant to one day's labor). The fellow slave begged for the same treatment the other slave had begged from the King. This slave, however did not forgive, but threw his fellow slave into prison. when the king heard what happened, this is how he responded: You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you entreated me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, even as I had mercy on you?
I realized yesterday that I can be very unforgiving. It's a pretty big wrestling match in my heart when it comes to forgiveness. It was really good to be reminded of all I have been forgiven. 10,000,000+ sins, and I withhold forgiveness from someone who slights me. It was humbling, sobering, and yet in the midst of all the conviction, I felt something amazing. I felt that tug of freedom. God was speaking right to the core of me, reminding me of His offer of freedom from this all consuming burden. Forgiveness brings honor to Him, freedom to me, and unity to the body. It sure isn't easy though. 2006/02/26 Little Orphan AnnieBart was reffing tonight, so the girls and I rented Little Orphan Annie. It's been a while since I've seen my girls so interested in a movie. At the end, when Annie is climbing up on the bridge and Rooster is climbing after her, we were all leaning forward in our chairs. Sarah looked at me and said: "Oh, this is horrifying." 6 years old, and she's the expert on being horrified.
2006/02/24 my husbandI have an awesome husband. He knew I had a bad day, so he asked me if I needed anything. I said, well, I need laundry detergent so I can do some wash tonight.
What a servant. He jumped in the car and drove to the store. He came home with frozen pizza, 2 cans of crushed pineapple, soda, and chocolate easter eggs.
I guess I'll do wash tomorrow. hee hee! TawandaThere have been some situations in my life lately that have been sad and stressful. I'm sure, compared to many other people's trials, they are not anything major. But for me, right now, they are a little overwhelming. After spending several nights laying in bed til 3-4 am stressing out, I started a new kind of therapy.
Saturday, I took 9 hours to completely overhaul my youngest daughter's room. Ok...for those of you who have girls, you can relate. After digging out all the loose toys from underneath the bed, behind the shelves, on the shelves, in the closet, in the desk drawers, I started making piles:
Polly pocket: Ok the Polly shoes are smaller than the dirt particles in the carpet! Unbelievable!
Barbie
My Little Pony
Stuffed Animals
Loving Family Dollhouse
Sweet streets
Groovy Girls
American Girl
Diaries, fuzzy pencils, heart erasers, markers
Hello Kitty
Purses/backpacks
Dress up clothes
Socks (I found socks everywhere---in desk drawers, in purses, under the bed...half of them belonging to friends who have come over and left with one sock or fewer!!!
The problem with this tedious process is that I don't recognize the .2 millimeter difference in size between the Loving Family and the Sweet Streets accessories. Or the .0004 mm difference between the My Little Pony accessories and the Barbie items. So, I'd call Sarah in and ask her about a tiny plastic tea cup..."honey, is this my little pony or barbie?" Sarah would roll her eyes and say...."Mom! It's Sweet Streets! *loud sigh*"
For further therapy, on Tuesday, I went and bought a six foot tall bookcase from World Market for my oldest daughter. Today, I put it together. IT FELT GREAT! It's so silly, but I feel like I've really accomplished something! Plus, it got my mind off of some stuff that has been really weighing heavily on me lately. What did Kathy Bates say in Fried Green Tomatoes???....Tawanda!!!!
And, thank goodness for ipods! Now, on to the hall closet....TAWANDA!!!! 2006/02/21 The Lure of Poop TalkMy kids love to talk about poop. Ok, I admit it, I think talk about poop of any kind is hilarious. If I want to get my kids out of a bad mood, I just make a comment about poop. If they come to the table after fighting I just try this one on them:
"Ok, kids...what do you want for lunch today? Poop sandwiches?" It's base humor, but I'm finding that I'm about base humor too much of the time.
It came up today while they were biting the heads off of Spongebob pasta at lunch. The girls were munching on their lunch, and Jenna asked me what my favorite food was. I said it was steak. She asked me what the difference between "meat" and "steak" was, so I was trying to explain that "meat" was a more general description and steak was more specific. In her contemplative fashion...she chewed for a while and then started asking these questions...."Well what about chicken? Is chicken a kind of meat?"
I might be wrong about this, but I was telling her that yes, there was chicken meat, beef meat....that meat was something from an animal.
So she says...."What about milk then? (insert sly grin) Is milk meat? It comes from an animal. What about cheese? (another sly grin)"
And of course, wanting to be in on the comedy...Sarah pipes in with this comment: "What about cow poop? Cow poop comes from a cow...is it meat?"
And of course we all start laughing, which just makes the poop talk fly like...well...poop. I can't even type that word without laughing!!!! Chris, Johnny, Guy, And WillLast month, I shared about my "olympic" moment at the Bluebird Cafe in Nashville. I got to watch four great writers sit in a circle and sing their hit songs. It was so inspiring to a newbie like me. They were having a blast, and their songs were amazing.
Last night was another inspiring, olympicesque moment. Coldplay was in the big city last night, and we were there! I've loved them since the first time I saw them, years ago, at 3 am on a music video singing a quirky song called "Yellow." All day before the concert yesterday I was trying to nail down what it is exactly that I love so much about this band. (They're not a Christian band, I know, so judge me as you will, but my conscience is clear on this one.)
First of all, their melodies really tug at me. I don't know enough about melody to know why, but they always have. I love the straight, hard driving percussion with Chris Martin's falsetto dancing above it. I'm a piano player, so I love that they're a rock band with a piano playing front man. (he plays guitar too)
Chris Martin's lyrics are intriguing, frustrating, and inspiring to me. They're intelligent, honest, and yet sometimes make no sense to me. This last album was incredibly honest, I thought. My favorite cut on it, lyrically, is What If.
Just like my last experience at the Blue Bird, I felt inspired by Coldplay. Of course I felt a greater respect for them as a band (I'll be wearing my Coldplay sweatshirt every day this week), but mostly I was psyched to get home and get better doin my thing as a musician.
Time to go do my thing! (Right after I finish making SpongeBob macaroni and cheese for the kids....picture it! I'm in my Coldplay sweatshirt, dishing out SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick pasta onto Barbie plates! I wonder what Chris Martin would think about that....) 2006/02/20 inspiring placesI live in a fairly small town. We have to run into the big town 30 miles from us if we want to do anything hip and cool. However, we do have an awesome coffee shop. I'm writing from the awesome coffee shop today. All the "to do stuff" is at home waiting, but I'm taking an hour and a half to sit here and write, or not.
Do you have places in your life that inspire you? Well, this coffee shop is one of those places for me. My friend Ginger owns it, and she's a huge music lover and a creative type. So, when she went into business, she had people like me on her mind. It's in a downtown row building. The walls are brick, and lined with cool pictures and bookshelves. The tables are a mish/mash of vintage. The lighting is all vintage and ceiling fans swing lazily above. I'm at my favorite table (ok I'm not at my VERY favorite table because somebody started a puzzle on my very favorite table...grrr...don't they know they're invading my sacred creating space?) The ceiling is an authentic molded tin ceiling and the floors are beat up pine planks. It's just cool. I even feel sort of cool in here. Maybe I should move in.
She has live music on the third Thursday of every month. I've done one gig here, and have just booked another one for July. We'll see if I follow through. I'm a chicken when it comes to all that.
Ok, time to get something done...or maybe I'll read a magazine.... 2006/02/19 Sentimental BlatherI'm tired, and so here's all I got:
The differences in my kids become apparent when you listen to the names they've given their stuffed animals.
Jenna: The name of her stuffed cat is: Brown Kitty
The name of her dog is: White dog with black spot
Once, when she was younger, I tried to encourage her to be more creative, and so she named one of her cats "Carseat."
Sarah: The name of her favorite stuffed horse: Princess Rainbow Sunshine
The name of her cat: Pinky Starfire
(ok, I might have taken some liberties with this, because she changes them all the time and they all sound foo fooey like this. I can't keep them straight)
Sometimes I smile when I come out of my bedroom because I look down the hall and see their two rooms. Sarah's is pink and blue and filled with butterflies. Jenna's is tan and chocolate, with black accents and leopard prints. The realist living next to the dreamer. Jenna says little sisters are a pain. Sarah says big sisters are "EENOYING". They would never admit it, but they really like each other for the most part.
2006/02/17 Beyond the WireA friend of ours just got back from a year in Iraq. He shared his story with our Bible study group tonight. The details of life in active service were gripping. The details of how God has worked in this man's life were even more gripping.
Cory is one of those people you would love to have on your team. He gives a hundred percent all of the time, he cares about others and is as loyal as they come. This is his 20th year in service to our country, and his second tour during this war. He's also a loan review analyst, and a competitive water ski jumper. He's married to a wonderful woman and has a 5 year old son. He's 37, the same age as me, but in many ways, our lives have been very different. His message tonight, however was one that could have resonated with anyone.
He shared many emotional and fascinating stories with us. But the common thread through all of it was that God is in control. He watched friends die. He invested into the lives of young, wild, unbelieving men who had never had a positive role model in their lives. He joined with his company in prayer every time they went "beyond the wire." Going beyond the wire meant going past the gated secure area of the camp. He told us over and over how he felt God's hand of protection. And when there was tragedy, he still saw how God was in control, orchestrating events to bring glory to His name, and to show Himself in a deeper way to Cory.
I drove away tonight feeling grateful for people like Cory who are willing to serve our country. But most of all I felt the conviction to be willing to "go beyond the wire" in my own life. It seems like we see God in amazing ways when we're willing to get out of the safety of our gated camps. God is in control, always. What do I have to fear? Romans 8:28-39 2006/02/15 My SolaceI had a long, busy, emotional day. So, here are a few things I'm looking forward to in heaven:
1. Seeing Jesus
2. Unhindered worship....no distracted thoughts, no pride,...just pure worship of God, with the angels and with sinless people.
3. Sinless people, myself included. No more struggling with sin, and with the sin of others. I can't even get my mind wrapped around that....to be totally free from the struggle, and experiencing pure fellowship in His name. Imagine it...no more regret, guilt, anger, jealousy, worry, strife. No more need to say sorry or to forgive.
4. Seeing Jesus
5. Understanding love completely, and then being able to accept love completely.
6. Hearing the answers to all of the why's in life. Hearing more about history from the One who created history. Just think what it would be like if He personally took us through history, telling us throughout why things happened the way they happened. It would be like the director's commentaries on dvd's but only a gillion times better. Take the Revolutionary War, for example.....can you imagine how cool it would be to hear God tell us all of the why's behind everything that happened? I'd also love to have God show me my lineage from the very beginning. Then to meet those in my lineage who were believers would be amazing. The best part of seeing all of that is it just gives us more reasons to offer Him praise.
7. Seeing Jesus
2006/02/14 Olympic MojoSeveral weeks ago, I wrote about the power of the Olympics. Sure enough, here we sit in front of the tv, every night, mesmerized by the beauty, finesse, power, and out and out determination of these athletes. We all started clapping last night when the Chinese skater resumed her routine after a nasty fall and a several minute check by her trainer. And, yay! for the American speed skater named Joey Cheek last night. woo hoo! The American half-pipe snowboarders cleaned up yesterday too.
Ok, so my kids are being really cute throughout our nights in front of the tv. I'm trying not to smile because if they see me they will quit what they've been doing. Sarah starts "ice" skating in the dining room every time the skaters come on. She's very dramatic, and "skates" so much that she's all sweaty by the end of the night. In the meantime, Jenna is doing sit-ups and push ups on and off throughout the program. I'm tellin ya, the Olympics have some kind of powerful mojo. Bart joined Jenna in the sit-ups and push-ups yesterday. Of course, I remained on the couch, using the excuse that I was writing and couldn't join them. *Insert Barney Fife sniff*
Tonight, I ate my dinner in front of the tv, because we had ice skating lessons and didn't get home until almost 7. I didn't enjoy my dinner as much as I usually do...it's hard to have your face in a plate of spaghetti when you're watching skinny, muscular athletes flying around. So, I might just have to have another plate after the program is over.
2006/02/13 For The Lutefisk Eaters In The FamilyMy mom is full Swede. We actually had some Swedish traditions up until my grandmother passed away a few years ago. We'd always have lutefisk and white gravy on Christmas....well some of us would anyway. Bluck!
So, in honor of the Swedish side of my family, here's one of my favorite Swedish proverbs. (ok, it's the only one I know, but it's a good one!)
Fear less, hope more
Eat less, chew more
Whine less, breathe more
Talk less, say more
Love more,
And all good things will be yours.
We used to laugh at my oldest when she was 3 because she talked like a Swede. She'd sing that song..the B-I-B-L-E..yes that's the book for me..I stand alone on the word of God...the B-I-B-L-E...
Here was her version:
Da B-I-B-L-E
Yes, dat's the book for me
I tan ayone on da vert off Got
Da B-I-B-L-E
and she would always say Luff You instead of love you. So, my whole family started saying it that way, and we still do. I luff stuff like that! 2006/02/12 Pez dispenser answersThere's a grain of truth in every good joke:
At the beginning of Sunday School, the teacher asked her young students a question: Ok kids, what's brown, and furry, and has a bushy tail, lives in trees, and collects acorns to eat?
A little boy raised his hand and said: "I think it's a squirrel, but I'll say Jesus."
I was reminded of that story today when Daddy asked Sarah what she learned in Sunday School. She took several minutes to tell Dad all she had learned this morning. We were touched by her answer. It's clear that she's not just memorizing pat answers and spitting them out upon request. She's really learning about God, and seems to really be enjoying it.
My kids probably know more about God than I do. I wasn't raised in a home where the bible was taught. We didn't go to church. I didn't go to a bible teaching church until I became a Christian, and got involved in a church in college. The same is true for my husband, so we're a bit new at understanding how to raise our kids in a "Christian" home. Bart and I are proud of our kids, but also wary of our tendency to measure their love for God by how much they know about God. I pray they love God, and that's why they want to know about Him. May they hunger to learn more, not to please their parents or teachers, but because God is more fascinating to them than anything else. May God be more fascinating to ME than anything else. 2006/02/11 I wish it was a coldMy throat hurts. It's been hurting since last night. I'm not coming down with a cold, and I wasn't at the Nickelback concert last night with my brother. The cause of the sore throat?
It's brown, it's furry, it has four legs and a tail, and it DOES NOT BELONG IN THE HOUSE!!!!! I've never screamed so loud in my life.
Yes, I saw a mouse. I came face to face with it. Here's how the whole thing went down:
My husband referee'd a game in his home town last night, so we spent the night at his folk's house. His sister just had a baby girl, and we had brought a bunch of our daughter's clothes with us to give to them. However, I wanted to wash them before I gave them to her, so I was planning on washing them at my mother-in-law's house. They live in a townhouse, and the washer and dryer is in the kitchen. There were so many clothes, that I was keeping the containers out on the deck until I washed them so that they wouldn't take up the entire kitchen. In the process of walking in and outside, the thing must have snuck in and hidden in one of the piles I had sorted on the floor. I went to pick up the pile to throw it in the washer, and met the thing face to face. IT WAS HORRIBLE! I screamed bloody murder and dropped the clothes and made a bee-line for the couch. My mother-in-law, father-in-law, husband, and girls all came running to the kitchen because, as I was told later, they'd never heard such a sound come out of my mouth. After I told them, my mother-in-law joined me on one of the dining room chairs, and we watched as my father-in-law and husband chased the thing with a broom. Both of us were giving "suggestions" from the top of the chairs, and everytime that dodgy thing would show his face from the washer/dryer we would scream. They got it out from behind the dryer and back outside, but it took some coercing to get me off of the chair. I still shiver when I think about it. Needless to say, I would have NOTHING to do with those clothes for the rest of the night.
So, I'm completely exhausted because I didn't sleep a wink last night. Every itch under the covers, and every sound in the house made me think about the mouse. The incident happened at around 10:30, so my apologies to the entire townhouse complex for waking them up with my screaming.
Ok, and how cool is this: my father-in-law got up this morning and took all of the clothes to the laundry mat and washed and dried the rest of them!
Mouse incident aside, we had a great time with Bart's family. Emmy Faith is a beautiful baby, and everyone is doing well.
2006/02/10 Blunderland meets WonderlandA friend told me once that I was negative. That was 3 or 4 years ago, and it still crosses my mind at least once a week. There is definitely truth in that statement. I tend to see mistakes, shortcomings, and faults in people and situations too quickly. So, sometimes when I think about that comment, it helps me. When I catch myself being a half-empty kind of gal, that comment serves to help me try and fight that tendency. Other times, it just serves to help me spiral downward into a giant bowl of pasta with alfredo sauce. (while in my recliner, with my new laptop on my lap, and my awesome slippers on my feet that my 6 year old put on my feet for me because I didn't want to get up)
The person that told me that is someone I would call a totally full kind of gal. If she has tendencies, she leans toward seeing life the way she hopes it will be instead of how it really is. And if she does see the glass only half-full, she will try her best to fill the glass to the top, so all will be restored to perfection.
So when we get together, it's Blunderland meets Wonderland, with one president being Roseanne, and the other being a Stepford Wife. But, at that place where our two countries meet, there lives a faithful Mediator. He supplies us with grace and mercy and a proper perspective that we are both His beloved children, molded and shaped by His hand, unique in our perspectives and our struggles, and both commanded to love one another. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on whether or not you have Roseanne or Stepford Wife leanings, we can't pick up our countries and move. So, God must be our source of unity and peace. He is the only one that can unite the two countries.
Well, that's enough yammering from Blunderland. Time for my first attempt at sleeping.
2006/02/09 If at first you don't succeed...go to another songI had a great co-write tonight. My friend Sue C. and I got together to work on a song we started a few weeks ago. It's for a sermon series her pastor is doing on unity of the body. The song is going to be really fun if we can ever get the SECOND VERSE FINISHED!!! ARGH!!! But, we didn't get any further on it,so after about an hour and a half, we started messing around with a worship chorus I had written a few months ago. Sue had some great suggestions to improve it. I'm really happy with how it has turned out.
This is one of those songs that I'm pretty attached to. I had gotten to a point a few months back where I felt like I was in a rut, writing-wise, and couldn't get out. So, one afternoon, I went up to church to mess around on the new grand piano (the tones from a good piano can be so inspiring!). I just started singing and playing what was on my heart. It was such a moving time for me. God really blessed me in those few hours. The song that came of it was a good start, but just wasn't "there" yet. When I played it for Sue, she immediately picked up on the weak spots of the song, and her suggestions were perfect. It's SUPER simple, which I love. But sometimes, when it's that simple, it's really hard to find the perfect words to convey what you're trying to say. Sue helped me to make it more intimate and conversational. Tonight was one of those times I walked away thinking...MAN I LOVE TO WRITE SONGS!!!!! Here's the lyric, and if I ever get technological enough to figure out how to post the melody, I'll do it.
BE ENOUGH
Be enough, be enough
Fill me up, be enough
Be enough, be enough
Fill me up, be enough
Take my wandering eyes from lesser things
Be my one desire, my everything
For nothing satisfies like You do
Oh Jesus, I need You....to be enough
The melody is very simple and sweet, and within my Bob Dillanesque-one octave-vocal range. I've been singing it ever since I left her town 2 hours ago. The only problem is...I can't get to sleep! 2006/02/08 Non-annoying ThingsA few cool things from the past few days:
1. My sister-in-law had a new baby girl. Welcome to the world Emmy!
2. Sunday worship
3. New computer
4. My husband's daily phone calls home.
5. I made it to "red" status in on-line Boggle.
6. Came up with a fairly decent new idea for a song
7. Chris Tomlin concert last Thursday with friends
8. Husband had a great trip with the elders to Minneapolis
9. Husband is home...yay!
10. Superbowl party
2006/02/07 Annoying ThingsA few things that have annoyed me in the past few days:
1. Dashing down the stairs, around the corner on the slick wood floors, full speed to find the phone when it’s ringing, just to find out that it’s a telemarketer.
2. Getting your beverage and popcorn ready, settling under a blanket to watch a movie, and finding out that not only do you not have the remote, when you find it, the battery is dead. Funny sidebar: My friend lost her remote when we were in college, so she took a broomstick, and taped a pencil on the end of it to poke the tv buttons from the couch.
3. People who get mad at people who talk on cell phones in Barnes and Noble. It’s not a library! I know it would be ideal to be able to have a nice quiet environment, but give people a break! Last night I was there, and this lady was talking on the phone 2 tables down, and the guy one table down was so mad, he kept looking at me and grunting and shaking his head. I wanted to tell him that HE was the one that was being annoying!
4. Lawyers advertising how to sue the pants off of some company. “Have you ever had a headache or a runny nose or and itchy scalp while taking this pill? Well you may be entitled to billions of dollars. Just call us. We’re acting concerned for you but really we just want to buy a speedboat bigger than our next door neighbor’s speedboat, and we can only do that if you sue this company and give us 10 percent of your billions of dollars.”
5. Merchants who take your money, and then forget to place the order for your $1,500 dollars worth of new microphones, and then try and blame it on you, when you call ONE MONTH after they were supposed to be ordered and they’re still not in. JUST SAY YOU’RE SORRY!!!! I’M NOT GOING TO SUE YOU!
6. Ok I know I've talked on and on about how great my kids are, but the oldest's rolling-of-the-eyes-and-stomping-upstairs-and-slamming-her-door-when-she-doesn't-get-her-way shhtick has been wearing on me.
*sigh* Wow, I feel a little better now. I'm liking this Blog therapy.
I'm officially a writerI got a laptop comPUter......I got a laptop comPUUUter...(insert mental image of a white girl trying to do a hip hop happy dance)...I got a laptop.....
So, it's official. I'm a writer now. I've only had it for a few days, but I'm already LOVING how much faster I can get things done. I worked on 4 songs tonight at Barnes and Noble, and didn't have to take up 2 tables spreading out all my notes.
I will never stop buying notebooks and clicky pencils...NEVER.....but I gotta admit..writing on a computer is pretty great. Learning to use the grey-square-that-substitues-for-a-mouse thing is going to take some getting used to though.
A friend is coming over on Wednesday to set up the security stuff so we can have wireless internet at the house...I know we could probably do it ourselves, but knowing me, I'd blow up the whole thing with one click. I'd rather let someone else take the blame for that. So, for now, I'm bumming off of the next door neighbor....shhhhhh.
Oh, and for my friend Sue S.: BART WASHED HIS CELL PHONE IN THE WASHER!!!! It still sort of works too! The conversation is very "clean" on that phone...heh heh! It won't ring, but he can take calls. He can make calls, but it's like talking into an echo chamber. Of course he's still using it, because he's 10 days from his contract expiring, and he can't get a discounted phone until it expires. Sosososososo, wewewewewewe justjustjustjustjust putputputput upupupup withwithwith itititit becausebecausebecause hehehehe isisisis...ahem..."frugal""frugal""frugal""frugal" 2006/02/05 M&M's and Mick JaggerSome friends of ours had us over today for the Superbowl. I just learned who was playing this afternoon before we left, so that shows you how much I care. Here's what's on my mind before the superbowl party:
1. I'm supposed to bring some kind of appetizer or munchie...hmmm....I wonder what I could pull off without having to cook. Then, I could still take my Sunday afternoon nap and just pick up something at the store.
2. I wonder what the other women are wearing. Do I have to get all foo foo shee shee for this party, or can I keep my baseball cap on?
Here's what I'm thinking during the superbowl:
1. Pizza! yay! ok....I've only had one piece, but will I look like a pig if I go for another piece? Should I go for a brownie, or peanut m&m's for dessert?
2. I think I like Seattle's uniforms better than Pittsburg's uniforms...and what's up with that guy's nasty long hair?
3. Holy smokes...how old is Mick Jagger anyway? I can't believe how skinny he is.
So, congrats to whomever won the superbowl. It was a fun evening for this non-football loving girl. Oh, and I had BOTH the brownie and the peanut m&m's.
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