I haven't been in God's word much lately.  That needs to change.  I've been starving, yet not wanting to eat.  It's like I've had spiritual anorexia.

 

Sue C and I were talking today about some insatiable misconceptions..misperceptions....something like that...she and I both have about ourselves.  They're always there, sapping us of nourishment and strength.  The only way to fight it is to go to the word to be fed.  Sue faithfully asked me what I would read today.  I told her I needed to finish up the last Bible study thing from last semester.  (this study is not easy--has been overwhelming at times)  She suggested spending time with God in a less intimidating way than this new study method I'm learning.  Psalm 73 is where I landed.   That Psalm is one of my favorites.  It always has been.  It speaks of envy, frustration, and ultimately, being satisfied only in God:

 

I spent some time researching Asaph, the author of the Psalm.  Some say he wrote most of the melodies to David's psalms, and he wrote 12 of the Psalms himself.   He worked as David's music director FOR OVER 40 YEARS!  He started with David, some think, in his early 20's, but some of the 12 Psalms he wrote when he was a hundred years old or older!  He was still working in the temple during Solomon and Rehoboam's reign. (It's thought that Ps 73 was written after Solomon's agents killed Asaph's brother in the temple!)  That Asaph was able to be in the music ministry for the bulk of his life is encouraging.   If God is using someone, he/she will find a place in ministry.  Asaph is proof of that.  Throughout his life, he saw David his hero die, many of his family members murdered, new rulers ushered in, a kingdom divided, and through it all, he kept writing.  

 

I think of David when I think of songwriters in the bible,  but Asaph held his own alongside David.  I can't wait to meet him someday.  I wonder if Jesus would let me write with Asaph.  Now THAT would be cool.  

 

Until then...back in the word.  It feels good to eat again.

 

 

Our kids had their Christmas program Sunday night.  It was classic.  It had all the perfect elements of a great Christmas program.  The story line was great.  It was an original work from a lady in our church.  It was the Christmas story from the point of view of the shepherds.  She did a great job. 

 

Then, you add in the little shepherds forgetting their lines, the off-key 6 year old boy dressed as a cow singing about the baby Jesus and the 2 and 3 year olds in their lamb costumes, and you got yourself one stellar Christmas program.  At one point, a little 3 year old boy with fuzzy lamb's ears begain singing at the top of his lungs.  He was an entire measure ahead of everyone else, and was walking back and forth as he sang.  Midway through the song, a neighboring 3 year old girl took her hand and put it over his mouth.  The entire audience ERUPTED in fits of giggles.

 

For me, it was neat to see my girls step out of their comfort zones.  Our shy Jenna had a few speaking parts, and she played the piano.  She did a great job.  Sarah sang a little solo, and she owned that thing.  They both seemed to really enjoy being a part of it.  All four of their grandparents came up, with my aunt, which was really special as well.  And, to top off the evening, we went for pie and coffee. 

 

It's cool to see this Christmas program becoming a tradition in the lives of my kids.  I'm grateful.  I'm grateful for the blessing of kids, and I'm grateful for traditions.  They mark our lives.  They define us as families and as individuals among others.  The lutefisk I wrinkled my face at while growing up has now become a fond memory of my holidays.  Any time I hear Andy Williams, I think of how used to sit in the dark, by the lighted Christmas tree, listening to him sing about the magic of Christmas.  Lord willing, I will get to listen to my grown daughters talk about the things they remember about their Christmases. 

 

Another tradition my grandma (while living), my aunt, mom, and I had for years was to get together for a cookie baking day.  It didnt' happen this year.  Thinking about all this almost makes me want to bake.....ALMOST.

 

 

My husband is amazing.  He understands me, and has always worked hard to appreciate and honor who I am.   He likes the fact that I bring splashes of color into his muted and subtle banker world.  He also understands that people who splash color around can be messy to live with.  In the middle of the messes I make, he loves me, not just in spite of it, but because of it.  He's helped me to start appreciating that about myself as well.  I've focused a lot on the messy part of being creative and colorful.  I'm finally starting to realize that God can use people like me in good ways.  We're not just here to make parties more fun. 

 

I just finished a book called Love Walked In, by Maria De Los Santos.  The book was bursting with color.   The story line is compelling.   It made me want to care more about the people in my life.  The characters are all fascinating people.  The main character is witty, funky, deep, passionate, sentimental, and grounded.    And the crafting of it was unique and fresh.  (ok..there are a few f-bombs and love scenes.  The love scenes are VERY tactful, but there nonetheless...just putting the word out so I don't get any guff from my more conservative friends who might read it and be alarmed.  I'm giving this book out to a few people for Christmas presents, if that helps you decide.  This is the longest diatribe I've ever written inside a set of parentheses...should I keep going...wait..what was I talking about...my A-D-D is showing itself here, isn't it?) 

 

After finishing the book, it hit me again how colorless I've felt over the past 2-3 months.  2006 has been a draining year.  Through most of it though, I could feel the fight inside me to stay creative.  After a while though, I just lost the strength to fight.  October, November, and December have been very gray. 

 

Here's what I've been dialoguing with God about:  I want the color back in 2007.  I'm not sure if my motives are entirely pure here, so I'm asking for help in that area as well.  Things get sort of mixed up in my heart when I can't write.  When it's gone, and I feel that urge to scramble to get it back, I need to examine where that's all coming from.   This gray season has been good in a lot of ways though.  When the creativity is gone in large part, it causes you to only want the right things back.  I want to write.  That's all.  There aren't so many thoughts anymore of  future, and career, and yadda yadda.  I just want to write again.  That's where the color lies anyway...in the process of listening to God, and trying to express what He's saying to me.  The time to splash and saturate will come again.  In the meantime, I need to be faithful to seek Him and to listen to Him through this gray and silent time in life.

Ok..so I was surfing around on You Tube looking for video of Nina Simone.  Wayne Haun and I had talked about her a little at Write About Jesus, and I have an album of hers, so I thought I would try to find some live video of her.  Nat King Cole videos were on the list with Nina's so, I started clicking on his as well.  Of course, I looked for The Christmas Song.  I found Nat's version..and then..well...I found this:

 

 

I think some people have WAAAAY too much time on their hands!!!

 

 

I can't multi-task.  Everyone says women are experts at multi-tasking.  Why is it that I'm utterly challenged in this area?  My friend Keeli is the queen of multi-tasking.  Ok, I'm probably cutting myself short here.  I can multi-task, if it's the only thing I'm doing.

 

Once, I was working on Vacation Bible School decorations with Keeli and some other people.  After a while, Keeli made this comment:  "Ok, Lisa, every time you start talking, you stop cutting your paper.  Can't you do both at once?" The reality is that no, I can't.  I cannot cut paper and keep up a conversation.  I cannot conduct the classic domestic symphony:  talk on the phone, cook dinner, break up fighting children, and pay bills all at once.  Actually...besides talking on the phone, I really can't do any of those things very well individually, let alone together.   

 

Usually, at worship team I'm the one drowning.  I've never done my jobs well all at once, except on Sunday mornings when God seems to take my stumblings and bumblings and make something out of it.  Or, maybe they don't sound any different, He just gives me selective hearing.  I'll take either one at this point.  It will be a miracle if I can pull off a trumpet line and the tenor part on Angels We Have Heard On High.  I love that song.  But, that song is a multi-tasker's dream come true.  There's so much going on in that thing, it makes my eyeballs hurt.

 

I may have to lip sync. That would be fun.  I could move my head around dramatically during the Glo-o-o-o-o-o......o-o-o-o-o.....o-o-o-o....ria part, like I'm really getting into it.   But that means my lips AND my head would be moving while my hands moved. 

 

That sounds way harder than cutting paper and talking. 

 

 

Well....here's an update on Jenna's clarinet playing:

 

We actually recognized a song she played tonight.  She was so proud.  So were her parents.

 

Jolly Old St. Nicholas might make it on to the "Songs-I-Don't-Care-To-Hear-Again-For-The-Rest-Of-My-Life" list by the time she's mastered it, though. 

 

There's a song by Third Day I love called When The Rain Comes.  Songs like that make me want to sing.  There are songs I love that are just meant to be listened to. (like the ones without words..heh) Most Nicole Nordeman songs are like that for me.   But then,  there are songs that just scream:  SING ALONG WITH ME.  I heard one the other day called Put Your Records On, by Corinne Bailey Rae .  WHAT A GREAT SONG!  After I heard it, I thought...if I ever do Karaoke..that's the song I'm going to sing.  That...or Black Coffee by Sarah Vaughan. 

 

I did Karaoke years ago.  It was hilarious.   We were in a group, at a work thing, and all of us laughed hysterically through most of it, which was fine by me because I was terrified.  How weird is that?  I sing weekly, and twice a month, in front of hundreds of people and it's no big thing.  But karaoke...EEEEEEKKKK!!!  I can't imagine trying to do it seriously. 

 

But if that day ever comes, I'll be ready with my two songs.  Until then, my hairbrush and cd player are working very nicely.

My grandpa remembered me today.  He called me by name.  He then proceeded to ask me why I was there when I should be studying for my college exams...but I felt very blessed he remembered at least part of me anyway.

 

It's hard to see a man I've always considered to be dignified, acting confused.  He knows enough to know he's confused, and that embarrasses him.  And, that's the hard part.  I hate to see him embarrassed.  It made me cry on the way home today.  I want him to be able to keep his dignity through all of this.  The people at the place where he is staying are very nice, but they are just people trying to do their jobs.  They shouldn't be expected to pick up on his fears and struggles, and comfort him in those things.  That's my job--a job unfortunately I'm not very good at.  If I could choose, I WOULD try to take a college course on how to care for elderly, confused, and hurting grandfathers.  That would be easier than learning in the School of Life. 

 

Pray I learn quickly.  And thanks to those who have been praying for my grandpa.  Keep it up!

Bart and I went Christmas shopping today.  We did some major damage to the bank account.  The kids are getting older...the toys are getting more expensive. 

 

And, since the rest of the living who celebrate Christmas apparently have done their shopping already, some of what Jenna wants wasn't even available.  Bart hasn't caught on yet on to this reality:  if there is a lot of one kind of thing sitting on the shelf...most likely a kid won't want it.  All day, he kept trying to talk me in to buying LAST year's version of the greatest thing to have for Christmas.  Actually, I bet he has TOTALLY caught on, but doesn't have the desperate need to buy just the right thing for our kids like I do.

 

You see, this is not the year for me to give gifts that are "so last year."  I need some major brownie points with the oldest.  She's become an un-official teenager, and so I'M THE ONE on LAST year's favorite things list.  I need to impress the girl.  I want back on the Favorite People Right Now List before she moves out.  And, instead of being more patient and understanding of this really difficult time in her life....I'll just buy her the latest and greatest Game Boy.

 

That way, I'll have respite from the rolling of the eyes for at least a day or two. 

 

I wonder if that means Bart is going to buy me the mahogany finish, Yamaha baby grand piano I asked for. 

 

 

 

 

If you write songs, I highly recommend John Mayer's latest blog entry: The Next Transmission.  I found myself feeling happy that I could relate to someone so talented.  He writes like the rest of us do..slips of paper, cell phone messages... fear of doing ideas justice...take a look: