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2006/01/31 My only hopeI know a couple who adopted 3 girls when they were babies. They are sisters, and their mother was a drug addict. No family is perfect, but this couple, I believe, has done their best to raise these girls. The girls are now in their late teens and early twenties. All three of them have struggled with different things in their lives, but this story is about the youngest.
Kaitlin is 18, smart, hilarious, and very artistic. She's a beautiful girl with brown hair and gorgeous blue eyes. That girl could do anything if she put her mind to it. But today, she sits in our county jail, waiting for her final sentencing. She's been in and out of correctional facilities and rehab situations for the last couple of years. Each time, there are moments of hope, where she sees the futility of her choices, and tries to make a change. So far though, each time she's slipped back into old habits. This time, the consequences got tougher, and she may be tried as an adult and facing prison time.
One of my best friends has invested in Kaitlin's life. She's loved her through all of this, with tough love, with tender love, with unconditional love. She's taken Kaitlin's middle of the night phone calls, helped her out of difficult situations, and prayed for her faithfully. She's counseled, cried and cared for this girl like I've never seen anyone care for someone so troubled. She's spoken truth to Kaitlin when others didn't have the courage to speak truth.
How do you love someone through something like this? The longer this situation has drawn out, the harder it gets to understand how to love this girl. Obviously, that's what she's desperate for. We're all desperate for it. Keeli's faithfulness is a big lesson to me. Love is faithful, even when it's hard. She told me this morning that she isn't going to give up on Kaitlin, and will continue to love her and speak God's word to her. She said..."God is her only hope."
God is Kaitlin's only hope. God is my only hope. Whether we sit in a nice house in suburbia or in a downtown jail. God is our only hope. Ps.71:5; Ps 73: 25-26
Please pray for Kaitlin.
2006/01/30 Prayer meeting? EEEEK!A friend of mine called a prayer meeting for tonight. All of the elders in our church but one are at a conference in Minneapolis, and she thought it would be great to get together and pray for them. Our church is growing and changing, and we're headed into a pretty big year filled with some major decisions. So, this conference is kind of a big deal for the elders. My first thought when she called me was....oh, that's so cool. We should definitely do that. My second thought was.....oh dear...I have to pray in front of people. What if I say the wrong things? What if I don't sound as spiritual as the others when I pray?
So, before I left for the prayer meeting, I prayed about the prayer meeting.
It was wonderful. It was easy, comfortable, and genuine. I was very moved by it all, and God was definitely a part of it. It was like a tiny taste of what we're going to have in heaven one day. As I drove away, I wondered why I don't spend more time in prayer with my friends. So, along with figuring out what a dominant 7th chord is, I've put it on my goals list to pray more with other Christians. 2006/01/29 What About BobMy husband is about as predictable as the sun. Once in a while though, he'll surprise me. Like the other night, when we were at Toys R Us picking out birthday presents with our girls, he walked up to the check-out counter holding the movie What About Bob?
"Is this for someone's birthday?" I asked, with a puzzled look on my face.
"Maybe." He said, not looking at me.
"Who's birthday is it for?" I asked, starting to realize there was something really really out of the ordinary going on here. The last time he made an impulse buy was at Target 2 years ago. He bought a double cd set of seventies disco tunes. He was so excited because it was on sale for 10 dollars. When he got it home and stuck it in the cd player, he realized it was all no-name artists singing it. You should have heard the rendition of carwash...I still laugh when I think about it. We give him SO much heat about that cd. Anyway.....
"I love this movie, and it's only 7 bucks. Uh, Jenna would like it too." says the husband
"Jenna? You mean our daughter Jenna?"
"That's not coming out of MY money." Says Jenna, looking very serious and worried
"Aww, come on Jenna, it's a funny movie" Says dad, "You're going to love it."
I could see his wheels turning. There had to be a way to buy the movie, not spend any extra, and not have to say he bought something at Toys R Us for himself.
"Mom!!! Does that have to come out of my birthday money?" Jenna's starting to look panicked by now.
"It can come out of my money daddy!" Says Sarah, the peacemaker pleaser who already had gone over her allotment by 10 dollars.....
"Ok, honey, which movie of yours do you want to put back then?" Says a very relieved looking father
Sarah's brow starts to furrow.....
"I don't want to put any of my movies back"
"What about this My Little Pony Christmas video? You already have a My Little Pony video" says dad
Sarah's lip starts to quiver a bit, and we can all tell she's headed for a tantrum.
At that moment, my husband caved.
"Alright, daddy will just buy it with his money."
Jenna's face showed sheer relief, Sarah's brow un-furrowed, and mine...well let's just say it was all I could do to keep from busting up laughing.
I'm so glad we bought that video. We all curled up under a blanket and watched it today, and laughed our heads off. Maybe I should put What About Bob in my memory box.
(ok, I admit, the terret's syndrome scenes where they're screaming obscenities are not appropriate for children...we had to pause the video and listen to a little mini-sermon about how we're not supposed to talk like that)
2006/01/28 For the PeopleMy friend Gina and I have started writing a song called...."For the People." The idea of it would be something like....ministry would be great.....if it weren't for the people.....
Sometimes you just have to write a silly song and laugh it off when you feel like you've been punched in the gut by someone. Other times, it's ok to draw the shades, stop answering the phone, and curl up in bed and cry. And other times, it's necessary to get it out on the table with the person and talk about it. I'm just learning about that third thing. That third thing terrifies me most of the time.
So, I've been thinking about the golden rule....yes...one more simple but monumental lesson I'm learning in the middle of my life. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. How do I want to be treated? I want grace and patience when I'm feeling crabby and emotional, words of truth spoken lovingly when I've hurt someone, and more grace...oh and more grace....and no harboring of bitterness.....and more grace, and more and more grace and patience. I don't want to be personally attacked or villianized in a confrontation. I don't want my motives to be constantly questioned, and I want to be believed when I give an answer. I want to hear I'm sorry when I've been hurt.....a genuine I'm sorry. When I say I'm sorry, I want to be forgiven. Then, I don't want my past behavior being brought up everytime I do something wrong.
I need to make a hat...with a hanger coming out of the top bending forward and down,that would hold a piece of paper stating all of that. It would be positioned right in front of my face so I would constantly be reminded of how to treat other people. Of course, then I couldn't practice the golden rule when driving...hmmm.....gonna have to work out the kinks on that one.....
The golden rule is so simple to understand, but so hard to live out. It's becoming more apparent how little I practice it as I try and teach my kids about it. I hear myself telling my kids what the right thing to do is, but all the while I'm thinking about all the times I've made poor choices regarding the golden rule. Parenting sure can be humbling.
oh...and check out Jan Karon's books called the Mitford Series....they're touching, hilarious, convicting...the main character is a great example of someone who follows the golden rule.
2006/01/26 Giggin for JesusI had band practice last night, man. We were bouncin tunes off the walls like rubber balls. We were be-boppin and scattin all over the place. The house was jumpin, the music pumpin....Just ask my drummer and my bass player. They're in highschool and they also play in the youth group band, which practices right after us. I'm not sure either one of them blinks the entire time we're practicing. They just do their parts, with glazed stares. I'm sure they're thinking....45 more minutes til the Grandma Music Hour is over and we can get to some serious giggin. Seriously though, behind the cool hair cuts and mellow exteriors, these kids are great kids. We're lucky to have them helping us with Sunday worship music. I love seeing kids that age passionate about their faith in God, and also loving music...well most music anyway.
One of my favorite up tempo worship songs we do is called Did You Feel the Mountains Tremble? The ramp in that song totally sets up the chorus to pay off in spades.....swing wide you heavenly gates...prepare the way of the risen Lord.....
OPEN UP THE DOORS AND LET THE MUSIC PLAY
LET THE STREETS RESOUND WITH SINGING
SONGS THAT BRING YOUR HOPE
SONGS THAT BRING YOUR JOY
DANCERS WHO DANCE UPON INJUSTICE....
We're learning a new one for us called Wonderful Merciful Savior. It's been around forever, but we haven't done it until now. I have an old Steve Camp project that has it, and I've loved that song since then. It's in 3/4 time, which is such a great time signature. My drummer doesn't think so, but I'm older and I have more insurance, so play on young whippersnapper or I will belt ya. Ahem...Praise Jesus.
2006/01/25 PeaceMy best friend's dad died last weekend and the funeral was yesterday. He had lived a long, roller-coaster ride of a life, rebounding time after time from serious illnesses. My friend and I wondered over and over how it could happen so many times. But, after reading an e-mail from my friend, it all became very clear to me why it wasn't his time to die until now.
Bill had llived most of his life as a professing Christian. He went to church, talked about God, supported things that were Christian in nature. But, my friend's mom told her after Bill died that he had wrestled his whole life with peace, and with whether or not he truly was a Christian. It was a mighty mighty battle at times in his mind, one that never yielded that peace that surpasses all understanding that God's word talks about. But, 6 months ago he got a visit from someone. I'm not sure about the details of who this man was, but my understanding is that he was in full-time ministry and had struck up a friendship with Bill some time ago. He asked Bill about this struggle, and Bill was very honest with him about his fears. The man shared with Bill how he could truly know he was saved, and Bill believed. Bill's wife said she knew it was real, because Bill had a peace she had never seen before.
Peace with God is the only true and real peace there is. It is not a fleeting, volatile, conditional peace, like the peace we see in the world. It is a peace that is forever. The reason why, is that it is God who supplies it, and God is a forever kind of God. When a holy God sees the condition of unholy people and reconciles them through the power of the shed blood of His Son, the result is a transformation. We are changed from those who are enemies to those who are His heirs, His children. We are at peace with God.
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Rom 5:1
In God's timing (Rom 8:28-30) Bill understood true peace. It was quite a ride, but I'm glad he made it home. 2006/01/24 The Red SweaterI'm not a big clothes shopper. Clothes are mostly just something I put on to avoid ridicule and frostbite. When I find something I like, I wear it until it rips, tears, stains, or by some mysterious force, "shrinks----yeah that's it....it shrinks". When it's worn out, I go and try to find the exact same thing to buy again. I should try buying more than one at a time. But, then I would run the risk of having the spare item "shrink" while waiting in my closet, and then I'd be stuck with brand new clothes that don't fit. That would go over well with the husband. He doesn't seem to believe me that it's not my fault...there's some kind of weird "shrinking" air in my closet.
11 years ago I bought a red sweater from the LL Bean catalog. I loved it, and I still love it. However, this season when I took it out of the closet, it had a big hole in it. Who knows how long it's been that way, but I'm retiring it this year. My oldest used to carry that sweater around with her. She slept with it almost every night when she was 2. I finally asked her a couple of years ago why she used to do that, and she told me it was because it smelled like me.
I'm keeping the sweater. It's going in a box with other things with good memories attached to them, like my youngest daughter's sparkly shoes. She wore them literally every day between the ages of 2 and 3. She used to say they were her "fawkwee" shoes, and when she wore them she was "Cindawaa" (Cinderella). Hmmmm...if she's Cinderella, does that make me the evil stepmom? 2006/01/23 Dominant Seventh ChordsA friend of mine showed me a magazine she found called American Songwriter. I bought a copy last week, and have been loving every page of it. I'm trying to pace myself and savor every page, because it only comes out 6 times a year. Last night, I read an article about Dominant Seventh Chords, by Gary Talley.
It only took me a few sentences to realize I was having one of my "clarifying moments." Those moments are the moments that give me a dose of reality. Where the fog of my own self-created reality blows away for long enough to give me a picture of what life is REALLY like. These moments can be very healthy for me, because they usually spark the desire to improve. The problem is....I've been having WAYYY too many of them lately.
My strength as a songwriter has always been lyrics. And, I love being a lyricist. However, when I'm feeling creative..."feeling" being the word I'm focusing on, I always go to the piano. When a songwriting mood hits me, I want to create melodies. Well, as I was reading this article, and not understanding any of it, I realized....I don't know Jack Squat about melody! He was trying to explain the difference between a major seventh and a dominant seventh, and I just sat and scratched my head. Then, to top it off, I read an interview in a book called Songwriters on Songwriting with Burt Bacharach, and that clarified my clarifying moment even more. First of all, great melodies came pretty naturally to Burt. But secondly, he studied, studied, studied, studied about melodies.
So the point in all this.......and it relates to what I said about how the Olympics make me feel......is that even the things we love to do are hard work. Heck, I'm 37, and in some respects, I'm just learning this lesson. Most days, that's exhiliarating to me. Growing and stretching and learning is a cool thing....in the spiritual realm, career wise, in relationships. Some days though, when the reality doses come hard and fast, it gets discouraging. So, my goal for the week is to learn more about the dominant seventh chord, and then to mess around with a melody that uses a dominant seventh chord. I've probably been using them all along, I just didn't know it. Burt Bacharach....look out....here I come. 2006/01/22 I love the olympics. I hate the olympicsMy daughters started a new session of ice skating lessons yesterday, which reminded me that the olympics are coming up shortly. Every two years, I sit in front of the tv at night and take in the olympics. I'm mesmerized....both in an awestruck, inspiring kind of way, and in a morbidly depressing way. I love it because it's amazing to see the precision, speed, beauty, strength, determination, guts, and competitive spirit of athletes. Watching other people strive for excellence in their fields makes me want to be excellent in my field. Of course that means finding a field, but once I do, I'm really going to try and be excellent at it....all because of the olympics. Of course, I will fail miserably at it, I'm sure, which takes me to the second phase of the fascination with the olympics. As I watch the best of the best....sometimes I just feel like a pasty, blobby, sack of chemicals who's just taking up space and will leave no mark on this world except for all of the half-drunk (half-drank? half-drinked?) cups of coffee around. But I can't stop watching it. Call me a glutton for punishment.
I witnessed my favorite version of the olympics last week that blew my socks off. I'm a songwriter (so far it's still a hobby--meaning I haven't gotten a cut yet), and was in Nashville last week to write. While there, I took in a writer's night at the Bluebird Cafe. Ok, I know it's totally a tourist thing to do, but it's an AWESOME tourist thing to do. The four writers that night were: Tom Douglas, Gene Nelson, Kent Blazy, and Cory Batten. 3 veterans, and one up and comer. It was BLAST. First of all, they're all amazing writers, and I was inspired in the awestruck-dang-I-love-to-write-songs-and-want-to-go-right-now-this-very-instant-and-write-kind of way. But secondly, they were having a great time sharing their stuff with us, which made it really fun for all of us as well. I love the comraderie that happens when people get together and do what they love to do. 2006/01/21 birthday girlOne of my daughters has a birthday today. I took her this morning to get her hair cut and highlighted, then out to lunch, then ice skating, and now we're headed to go shopping. She's a wonderful little girl who, in some ways, I'm just beginning to understand. She's smart, funny in a very dry and low key kind of way, very private with her emotions and thoughts, fiercely loyal, and can be unbelievably focused. Of course, on such an important day, the mom in me starts reminiscing.
At this time 10 years ago, we were wondering if either one of us were going to survive the next few hours. I had toxemia and we were still 6 weeks from her due date. My blood pressure had reached 198/118 and the doctor was stressed. For this reason alone: GOD.....I was calm. I've been a worry wart since the day I was born. My childhood was filled with panic attacks and constant questions about whether or not we had enough gas in the tank, whether or not my parents were going to get divorced, and whether or not we had enough money to pay the bills. The poor teenagers who babysat for us had their work cut out for them. If my parents even ball parked when they would be home those nights, and ended up late, I would get histerical. The point in all of that is to show that God truly does supply a peace that surpasses all understanding. I didn't conjure up courage in that moment. I didn't magically change my personality. God did a work in my heart, has he's been doing for the last 22 years.
Sometimes, when I get mired in the day to day battles of trying to live out my faith, I lose sight of the big picture. It's good to look back on more than the past week, or even year...and see the evidence of God's refining, completing hand. One of my favorite passages of scripture is Phillipians 1:6...that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Sometimes, that perfecting process is difficult and painful. But it's worth it.
So, off we go to celebrate 10 years with my daughter. I am blessed beyond words! 2006/01/20 new notebooksOne of my favorite smells is that first waft of aroma that hits you when you walk into an office supply store. It's intoxicating...it makes me want to be organized and productive....it makes me want to clip, staple, and file things. And that's some powerful mojo smell if I'm behaving in that manner. Anyway, I love buying new notebooks. In the age of computerized everything....the age of rattatat-tapping on a keyboard...I still love buying a new notebook and a clicky pencil. Good thing there weren't these big office supply chains when I was a kid. I would have put my mother OVER the edge the week before school, begging and pleading for just one more notebook, just one more pack of post it notes, just one more planner....just like my kids do to me now! They've caught the virus!
Ok...I had to pause for a moment because I got so caught up in the visual images of rows and rows of office supplies that I couldn't even remember why I was typing this thing. Then I looked at the title and it hit me: This new blog spot is like a new notebook. You open the cover, and there it is...a blank page staring at you, waiting to own your information. If I am behaving as myself tomorrow, and I assume I will be, I will read this thing and shake my head, as I didn't fill the first page of my new notebook with anything but blather. Sometimes, I get so disappointed with how I fill the first few pages of a new notebook, that I go out and buy another one. Ok, I'm not really disappointed, I just wanted an excuse to go and buy another notebook. As long as these blog spots don't include the initial mesmerizing office supply store blast of aroma, I won't quit this one and move on to another. |
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